If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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