Plan B is the new Plan A
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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