dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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