A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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