Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
