don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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