We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
