so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
