smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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