no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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