I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
