Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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