I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
