Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
