Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
