Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
