is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
