I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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