I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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