she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
