Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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