There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
