I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
