worst night to have a conscience
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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