the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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