so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
