I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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