my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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