Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
