I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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