I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
