This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
