How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
