He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
