Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
