i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
