6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
