your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
