I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
