normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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