shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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