Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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