His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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