I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
