I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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