Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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