Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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