maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
