Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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