take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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