well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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