I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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