Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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