I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
