is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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