Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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