bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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