Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
