Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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