Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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